From Euripides

There you stand, in an elevator or in line at the post office, when a liberal decides to strike up a conversation with you. During the conversation, you hear some familiar words that refer to ideas like rights and freedom, but in context, they don't seem to make any sense to you. Never fear! I've compiled for you, gentle conservative, a list of the most frequently used terms in liberalspeak with their definitions. Learn these few terms and you will be on the path to understanding what your liberal friends are talking about.

I hope you find this list useful and a means of coming to greater understanding of the liberal left.

Abortion: The absolutely fundamental right of every women to choose. This right is the only one guaranteeing equality of the sexes and must be preserved at all costs. See Rights.

ACORN: A poor, benighted charitable agency that got mercilessly attacked by right wing nut jobs.

Anti-American: Anyone who doesn't agree with the current liberalized system of government. This includes anyone who agrees with capitalism, limited government and many democratic principles. See Mob.

Barack Obama: The only president who has ever had the capacity to selflessly change America into a Utopian state. If Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and the mob would only leave him alone, he could finally work out the solution to governmental perfection. See Glenn Beck. See Rush Limbaugh. See Mob.

Bible: An ancient document that has absolutely no connection with modern reality, especially morals and legal codes. See Religion.

Bill of Rights: An unknown and forgotten list of ideas which have no relationship to the modern vision of rights and freedoms. The Bill of Rights only gets in the way of such things as denegrating religion, gun control, and creating a statist federal government. The Bill of Rights, like other ancient documents such as the Bible, no longer serve any useful purpose. See Bible. See Constitution. See Rights.

Birthers: Uneducated idiots who will stop at nothing to attack Barack Obama. See Barack Obama.

Climate Change: The idea that if you rename something and broaden its definition to be all inclusive, despite any relation to reality, you can still tax it. See Global Warming. See Taxes.

Constitution: An old and outdated document that might have been good for something except for the enshrined dogmas of a past generation. It now has little relevance to a modern, sophisticated way of governing. See Rights.

Entitlements: See Rights.

Equality: The idea that individual rights must be suppressed and submit to the group mind. Anyone who disagrees with the correct group is considered anti-American or racist. See Anti-American. See Racist.

Fairness Doctrine: The idea that some media have an unfair advantage over other media because it is Anti-American. See Anti-American. See Glenn Beck. See Rush Limbaugh.

Feminist: Anyone who agrees that abortion is the absolutely fundamental right of every women to choose. Anyone, including women in power, who do not subscribe to absolute fundamental right of abortion are not considered feminists. See Abortion.

Fox News: A radical, right-wing media outlet, no better than the worst, hack blogging. No one worth knowing actually watches Fox, and those who do drink deeply of the Fox Kool-Aid. See Free Press. See News.

Freedom: The right to do what liberals want, when and where they want, with no regard to the rights of others, even to disagree. See Free Speech.

Free Press: The government subsidizing of media such as the New York Times or MSNBC, but not such media as Fox News. See Anti-American. See Fox News. See News.

Free Speech: The right, guaranteed by the Constitution, to intimidate anyone who disagrees with liberal doctrine. See Bill of Rights. See Politically Correct.

Gays: A group of people who self-identify according sexual preference, who only want to be treated as equals and to have their rights. See Equality. See LGBTQQ. See Marriage. See Rights.

Glenn Beck: Satan or the Great Evil One. See Anti-American. See Fairness Doctrine. See Rush Limbaugh.

Global Warming: The idea that a good crisis is worth all the taxes in the world. See Climate Change.  See Taxes.

Government: The only institution that can properly run a modern state. The more government, the better. Despite fear mongers, the American government can never turn against its people as long as liberals are in charge.

Greed: A human vice that occurs when they form corporations, but not, for example, when they are elected as a liberal to government office. Corporate owners are always greedy. Liberal politicians are always altruistic, working for the good of all people.

Hate Crimes: The idea that crimes committed against individuals of protected classes are more heinous than the same crimes committed against conservatives.

Healthcare: The government regulation and control of health-related industries such as insurance companies. See Government. See Greed.

 LGBTQQ: A community of gays and others who self-identify as protected class citizens to gain equality and rights. See Equality. See Gays. See Protected Class. See Rights.

Marriage: The union of any two people for the purposes of gaining equal rights and protected class status.  See Equality. See Gay. See Protected Class. See Rights.

Mob: Anyone who disagrees with modern liberalism and dares to speak up in a public forum. Most recently applied to those who spoke against healthcare. See Healthcare. See Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.

News: Anything said or implied by any news media except Fox News. For example, Balloon Boy and the death of Michael Jackson were news. The downfall of ACORN was not. See ACORN. See Fox News. See Free Press.

Politically Correct: A misnomer from the vast right wing conspiracy to discredit the only, true way for all Americans to think. See Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.

Protected Class: The concept that some people are born more equal under the law than others, because they believe in liberal doctrine and self-identify with a liberal group. See Equality.

Racism: Attacks on anyone who identifies with any special interest group or liberal belief, regardless of race, considered properly in favor with liberal doctrine. See Anti-American.

Religion: The freedom to believe in some sky-daddy, as long as such belief never enters into the public arena in any way, shape or form, since the Constitution guarantees a separation of church and state. See Bill of Rights. See Freedom.

Rich: A class of citizens who represent one of the major barriers to developing a Utopian society. This class must be taxed into extinction, unless, of course, the individuals adhere to liberal doctrine.

Rights: Any thought or action liberals deem appropriate to a shifting society, with no regard to Constitutional enumeration, or public opinion. Also, any number of government mandated expenses or entitlements. Recognition of such entitlements as rights is central to liberal doctrine. See Constitution.

Rush Limbaugh: Satan or the Great Evil One. See Anti-American. See Fairness Doctrine. See Glenn Beck.

Sensitivity Training: The idea that, if caught early enough, conservatives can be turned into liberals or at least to discover the homosexual hiding within.

Separation of Church and State: The enlightened interpretation of the outdated 1st Amendment to the Constitution. See Bill of Rights. See Constitution.

Sex Education: When taught in schools, this is only possible means for children to learn how to properly use condoms in the belief that there is such a thing as safe sex. Before sex education, all children were at the mercy of their parents to pass along incorrect sexual mores and attitudes. See Marriage.

Tax: Redistribution of wealth. A means of controlling corporate greed and the rich. See Greed. See Rich.

The One: See Barack Obama.

Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: A group of people who, if properly educated and who would give up religion, would become liberals. See Religion.

Over at Comments on the Contemporary, James posted the lyrics and commentary to America the Beautiful. I appreciate his sentiments but realize that in the modern day, such a pipe dream from days long past doesn't reflect the modern, progressive standards of today's discerning American. With this in mind, I offer a new version of

America the Beautiful - Liberal Style!

O beautiful are liberal eyes
That see better than you
A government far overspent
And Congress' deep doo-doo!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
Thy grand allure
Is cow manure
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for cap and trade
For spending without fear
For greenhouse gases thought manmade
And taxes we hold dear!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
We'll pay the debt
Of government
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful our president
Obama is our man
Though maybe not a resident
He tells us Yes we can!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
Replace the Good
With Obamahood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for wordly praise
We give apologies
To ev'ry foreign government
And to our enemies!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
Praise on our lips
For dictatorships
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for gay desires
For same sex marriages
For overthrowing civil rights
And family heritage!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
Sex ed in schools
Will bend the rules
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for women's choice
Abortion's now our meme
For feminism's identity
We can't hear fetus screams!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
Our children's cries
Are now despised
From sea to shining sea!

May common sense prevail in our great country and restore America to its rightful place - and beauty - in the world. Remember what our founders fought for during the Revolutionary War.

John Adams: "There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with power to endanger the public liberty."

George Washington: "Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force; like fire, a troublesome servant and a fearful master. Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible action."

Thomas Jefferson: "The will of the people is the only legitimate foundation of any government, and to protect its free expression should be our first object."

Patrick Henry: "I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"

This one's a must watch. I'm only sorry this woman was governor of Arizona all those years.

Sometimes truth makes for strange bedfellows. Toronto's pride parade will take place soon. As their main website announces:

As part of Toronto’s 29th Annual Pride Week celebration, the LGBTTIQQ2S communities, families and friends will unveil this year’s Pride Parade....It will shine with all colours of the rainbow and showcase the wonders of our heritage as one community.

LGBTTIQQ2S???

In their attempt to be inclusive, gay activists (at least in Toronto) have actually encumbered their acronym as LGBTTIQQ2S.

Here's why I mention this. Last March I wrote a story entitled Gay Rights Ad Absurdum where I pointed out that gay activists had created an artificial social construct and were now attempting to subvert the civil rights movement in order to gain protected class status based on their artificial construct. Trying to create protected class status based on sexual preferences presents more than a legal mess. By including so many sexual preferences, where and when do gays achieve a "class" to protect?

Here's my original post. Notice how accurately the "gay community" has arrived at the absurd.

---

I met up with Ron Clouster at Jillian's, a local club in the upscale center of the city. He sat at a high table, near the entrance and well away from the bar and the noise. He swirled his drink, remaining aloof to the milling crowd around him and the constant dull beat of dance music. He was surprisingly short, about five foot six or seven. He wore a plain white t-shirt which stretched tight across his shoulders and upper arms, showing off well defined muscles. He motioned for me to sit.

"So, what's this about?" I asked, stepping up into the over-tall chair.

Ron looked at me for a moment, perhaps unsure of my motives in agreeing to meet with him for an interview. Ron Clouster is a key spokesperson for the gay activist group Blind Justice United.

After an uncomfortable minute, he spoke. "We're going to broaden the number of groups included as part of the community," he said. Ron referred to the gay community.

"Broaden? How?" I asked. I find short and open questions best for interviews. It allows me to gain information, even from people as openly hostile as Ron.

"Well, you're familiar with the term LGBT?"

"Yes, of course."

"We don't want anyone to feel left out. There are many other groups which need to be part of this," he gestured around with his arm, pointing to the surrounding club. "They need to belong and join in the fight to gain their civil rights."

"Who's this 'they' you refer to?" I inquired.

He started to warm up to the topic. "Well, we need to be sure to add queeers into the group - LGBTQ, you know?"

"Yes," I said, "queers and questioning."

"That's right. It means both. So we want to add two Qs to the end - LGBTQQ."

"LGBTQQ?"

"Yes," he said. "We don't want either group to get lost in the shuffle and get ignored by the courts."

"I see."

"Well, and also we would like to include Two-Spirit people."

"Two-Spirit?" I asked.

"Yes," he nodded. His voice grew stronger and he became more self-assured with each new group. "Native American gays decided back in the 90s that the traditional idea of Two-Spirit referred to them. That is, that there are some people who are born with two spirits, a male and a female." He stopped to get my reaction for a moment. I merely nodded at him to continue.

"Anyway, Two-Spirit people have been recognized by Native Americans for years, so we want to include them as well."

"And that would mean...."

"LGBTQQTS," Ron replied.

"Go on."

"At our last meeting of the BJU, we realized that we were ignoring whole groups of people who should become part of the community. For example, there are a whole range of folks who are into kink."

"No kidding."

"Yeah, it's amazing." He nodded to emphasize the point. "We thought about how to add that group into the community and decided that kink was a generic enough term, but to be on the safe side, we also included people who are dominant as well as those who are submissive."

"So now your group is called..."

"LGBTQQTSKDS!" Ron was getting pretty excited about his topic and rushed on. "The next group was a difficult decision for BJU. We had to determine if polygamy would be accepted in the community."

"Polygamy?" I raised my eyebrows. "I thought you didn't like polygamists?"

"Not at all" he said. "It's not the polygamy part, it's those evil Mormons who are trying to take away our rights. Once we realized, though, that Mormons, I mean those folks in Utah, have not really been associated with polygamy for over a hundred years, it was time to include that lifestyle with our own."

"Polygamy. Really." I shook my head.

"Yeah! Well, we don't want to be sexists, so we're including both polygyny and polyandry. Women who want more than one husband ought to have that right."

"So now your group is called...?"

"LGBTQQTSKDSPP."

"Is that everyone?" I asked.

"Well, no. We had one guy in our group that insisted we include gays who are celibate, so we added GBC to the end of the acronym." He looked at me expectantly.

I thought for a minute before venturing with, "LGBTQQTSKDSPPGBC?"

"That's it!" he exclaimed. "You've got the idea."

"Are there any other groups you missed?"

"We thought of several others in our last BJU meeting," he said, "but we didn't want to go too far with our first revision."

"Yes, that sounds reasonable," I ventured. A pause. "What about Monogamous Married People?"

He became visibly upset that I would mention the MMP and started to shout. "After what those people did to us with Proposition 8? Those haters kept us from our civil rights!" Ron stood up, wildly gesturing. "Why would we want to include them? There's no room in the world for such hateful people!"

"OK. OK," I held up my hands to fend off his outburst. "I was just wondering." Ron slowly sat down. We remained in silence for a second or two while Ron regained his composure. I broke the silence first. "Where do you go from here?"

He hesitated a moment longer, testing me, then replied, "all people are equal under the law and should enjoy the protection of the law. We need to let people know that we are what we are. We're starting law suits in both California and Massachusetts as test cases to remove any legal barriers against LGBTQQTSKDSPPGBC."

We only talked for a moment longer about the BJU strategy, until Ron indicated that he had to rush off to his next interview. I thanked him for his time and we stood and shook hands. I wished him luck and he thanked me for my time.

As he started for the door, I called after him. "What about hermaphrodites?"

He stood for a moment, snapped his fingers, grinned and waved as he walked out the door.

I await the update to the BJU website to announce to the world the new LGBTQQTSKDSPPGBCH community. After all, protected class status really shouldn't exclude anyone. At least not according to Ron and the Blind Justice United.