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Name: Eripides
Location: Phoenix, AZ
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The True Story of the Big Question about Congress - A Meeting with an Informant

Some think congressional bills are dug up from long-lost alien civilizations which have illegally crossed over the border from Mexico. This is simply absurd, but it doesn't keep people from thinking it. The truth, as usual, is far stranger.

From Euripides' Blog

I finally met up with the informant I'd been after for two years. Before we met, he would pass information along by leaving rainbow-hued sticky notes to the underside of my Ford pickup. At first, I thought it was a joke, but the information on each sticky note would always predict the actions of Congress with at least a day's notice:
Nancy Pelosi will have her maidservant pick up her dry cleaning at 3:00 p.m. today.

Steny Hoyer will fall asleep during the reading of H.R. 748.

James Clyburn has developed an embarrassing case of jock itch.
Always, the predictions were dead on accurate.

I started writing sticky notes back, leaving them exactly two inches to the right from where the informant stuck his notes, per his instructions. He always answered my notes within a few hours, always finding my Ford wherever I happened to leave it. On three occasions, he left me notes while I was on the expressway from Dulles International.

I decided I had to meet him. I had to find out how he knew so much about future events in Congress. I had to find out what Congress' next moves were. I had to find out how he arranged to attach sticky notes on the bottom of my truck while driving full speed down the expressway.

In all this finding, I had to know the answer to The Big Question.

After two years, he finally agreed to meet me in the parking garage at a high-class hotel in Anacostia. I asked him what I should call him. He would only identify himself as "Shallownostril."

On the forth level, ten meters to the south and seventeen meters to the west of the elevator, I first set eyes on Shallownostril. He wore a dark suit, dark shirt, dark tie, dark shoes, dark hat, and white socks. He nodded once at me as I departed the elevator. I nodded at him in return, tripping on a drunk who had chosen to pass out just outside the elevator doors. I sauntered over to him, trying to impress him with my swagger. He didn't look impressed. So I stopped sauntering and walked the rest of the way.

Once we stood face to face, he carefully set down an obviously heavy, metal briefcase in front of me. I, in return, set down a ripped pair of pants on top of the briefcase.

"Euripides?" he inquired.

"Eumenides?" I replied.

He nodded once and took the ripped pants.

"Does this contain what I think it contains?" I asked, indicating the briefcase.

"It does," he replied. "It's the answer to The Big Question."

We stood in silence for a moment, staring at each other, waiting for the other one to make the next move. Five, then ten seconds passed. The silence grew uncomfortable.

I guess I was too nervous. I broke first.

"Well thanks," I said. "I've got to get home. Haven't had dinner yet."

Shallownostril nodded with understanding. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I came straight over here from work and I haven't had anything to eat since lunch."

"Well. See ya'," I said.

"Nice to finally meet you."

I nodded in agreement and picked up the briefcase. We walked away in opposite directions. Shallownostril headed toward the fire escape. I sidestepped the drunk as I returned to the elevator.

I shook with anticipation as I sat in my pickup truck with the metal briefcase on my lap. Inside contained the answer to The Big Question. I could scarcely control my hands as I reached for the latches to pop them open.

Inside the briefcase was a sticky note. The note was penned in the finely crafted handwriting of Shallownostril. I strained to read it under the flickering sickly orange-green light, broken from its cage on the side of the concrete garage wall. Shallownostril had indeed found the answer to The Big Question: Who drafts the healthcare bill that Congress wants to desperately pass?
The answer to The Big Question took hundreds of hours of research, untold thousands in bribes, and an uncomfortable afternoon spent watching Nancy Pelosi at a local spa getting a body wrap.

Despite the hardship and overtime hours, I have discovered the author of the healthcare bill.

The healthcare bill was written...
I closed the briefcase. My perception changed. My paradigm shifted. My left eye twitched, but that had nothing to do with the answer to The Big Question.

As I pointed my Ford Pickup toward home, I pondered the answer in my mind over and over again. The answer made perfect sense.

The healthcare bill was written by a small monkey who has been fed an exceedingly large amount of gin.


My thanks to Brandon Sanderson whose brilliant writing inspired me to write this extemporaneous piece. You'll find his inspiring line (though with a completely different context than the one I just gave it) on page 341 of his latest book, Warbreaker (New York: Tor, 2009). I highly recommend this and his other works to you.
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Shearing or Skinning? A User's Guide to the Current Administration's Tax Ideals

"Money it's a crime. Share it fairly but don't take a slice of my pie." - Pink Floyd

Years ago I lived in Bolivia. One of the major sources of wool there comes from llamas and to a lesser extent from alpacas. In order to harvest the wool from the llamas, the farmers usually kill and skin it. For the llama, giving wool is a one-time deal. You could say the llama gives up everything to provide wool to the farmers.

I always thought this was a strange way to gather wool, since I knew about the process of shearing sheep. Shearing preserves the sheep which can provide wool for many years. I wondered, why kill off the llama when you could just sheer the wool? (Since I left Bolivia, I learned that some farmers did indeed sheer the llamas instead of skin them.)

We are at an interesting crossroads in the United States. For the first time we have a statist liberal in the White House, a heavily statist Congress, and statist control of the Democratic party. What this means for the country, is that radical liberal ideals have very few impediments in the federal government. Radical liberal ideals include funding giganormous welfare programs, redistributing wealth, punitive taxation, leveling income, and, of course, increasing government control over all aspects of our lives.

Liberals have always sheared the American people through taxes, which raises money for a grossly obese government, controls spending and the society in specific ways (for example, by giving tax breaks to married people to encourage marriage), and punishes certain segments of the population (for example, those deemed to be too rich).

However, with this new administration, the wool shearers have turned into llama skinners. Instead of preserving some Americans to give wool for another day, these llama skinners are content to kill off a segment of the population in order to provide enough money to fund their version of government and fulfill their statist agenda.

President Obama made his infamous comment about "spreading the wealth" during his campaign. In cahoots with Congress, that translates into overtaxing those who make $200,000 (or is it $150,000? or maybe $100,000?) or more. The plan is to raise the top tax rate to 40% and there is talk of a "surcharge" on the rich of 5% to 6% as well. Capital gains taxes will rise. FICA taxes will increase as well for the rich. Corporate taxes take their share. For business owners, withholding and unemployment taxes take another cut. Cap and trade taxes could cost more than 5%, increasing year by year. Health care taxes will add to current medical spending and will grow unwieldy toward the rush into bureaucratic overload (think Medicare). States, forced to an ever increasing demand, have raised their top income tax rates to 10%. Added together, these taxes could take a hefty 70% from the wealthy to pay for the new slew of social and environmental programs at the core of liberalism.

The question remains, who are these "rich" whom liberals demonize as the greedy elite who destroyed the US economy? Who will fund the ever-controlling government and pay for welfare? Are they all CEOs of Enron or AIG? Are they all Wall Street moguls? In other words, who are the llama skinners going after and what is the harm in gathering wool from those who can afford it?

Most of the Americans on Obama's hit list are small business owners. They own and operate businesses and are the top employers (apart from - surprise - the government) in the United States. As an example of a small business owner, I know quite a few printers. Some are very successful and are, according to Obama, rich. Let's say one of these successful printers employs 20 people in his print shop and makes $200,000 a year. Along comes the Obama tax scheme and takes 70% of my friends's salary, leaving him $60,000 a year.

How does my "greedy," rich friend react? He cuts back on spending. He cuts the number of employees, increasing unemployment. He doesn't buy new equipment and press manufacturers go out of business. He finds his "new" salary inadequate to pay for the home he's lived in for 15 years and is forced to move. He doesn't buy a new car and the government has to take over another automobile manufacturer. He cannot afford a new computer, cell phone, iPod, or plasma TV. He thinks to himself, "Why should I work so hard anymore since the government is going to take my money anyway? I can work half as hard and make $100,000 and keep more of it than when I made $200,000." Cutting his income reduces the amount of taxes the government takes in and reduces government income.

Now think of not one, but tens of millions of business owners who will be affected by the statist government tax scheme. The "poor" didn't have any federal tax increases (let's pretend here) yet the federal government has succeeded in killing off small business and, by extension, the economy of the United States. Government has switched from shearing to skinning.

This is the essence of our llama skinning government. In the name of Robin Hood redistribution, the spending and taxing scheme created by this statist government will have a few unintended consequences - it will skin small businesses - the backbone of our national economy - and kill them off.

Write your congressional representatives and your senators today and tell them you do not agree with their radical liberal ideals to sock it to the "rich." Do not let our government shearers become llama skinners. There are better ways of maintaining the economy and funding government programs than having small businesses give up their skins to the government.
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Cap and Trade Political Cartoon

Cartoon by Eric Allie on Townhall.com

I can hardly wait to have my email inbox filled with Viagra-like ads for this new earth enhancement bill. There's nothing like a whole new slew of taxes to get us all stimulated.
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America the Beautiful - Liberal Style!

Photo by faeryboots.

Over at Comments on the Contemporary, James posted the lyrics and commentary to America the Beautiful. I appreciate his sentiments but realize that in the modern day, such a pipe dream from days long past doesn't reflect the modern, progressive standards of today's discerning American. With this in mind, I offer a new version of

America the Beautiful - Liberal Style!
O beautiful are liberal eyes
That see better than you
A government far overspent
And Congress' deep doo-doo!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
Thy grand allure
Is cow manure
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for cap and trade
For spending without fear
For greenhouse gases thought manmade
And taxes we hold dear!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
We'll pay the debt
Of government
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful our president
Obama is our man
Though maybe not a resident
He tells us Yes we can!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
Replace the Good
With Obamahood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for wordly praise
We give apologies
To ev'ry foreign government
And to our enemies!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
Praise on our lips
For dictatorships
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for gay desires
For same sex marriages
For overthrowing civil rights
And family heritage!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
Sex ed in schools
Will bend the rules
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for women's choice
Abortion's now our meme
For feminism's identity
We can't hear fetus screams!
America! America!
What has become of thee?
Our children's cries
Are now despised
From sea to shining sea!
May common sense prevail in our great country and restore America to its rightful place - and beauty - in the world. Remember what our founders fought for during the Revolutionary War.

John Adams: "There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with power to endanger the public liberty."

George Washington: "Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force; like fire, a troublesome servant and a fearful master. Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible action."

Thomas Jefferson: "The will of the people is the only legitimate foundation of any government, and to protect its free expression should be our first object."

Patrick Henry: "I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"
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Steamroller Nancy, or How Democrats Push Climate Change Legislation

The US House of Representatives posed to pass a stunningly long and complex bill to "control" climate change. What will it really do?

Another massive bill sits at the crest of passing the US House of Representatives. Dubbed climate change legislation by the news media, the 1200 page bill comes up for a final vote today and will likely pass through the House. Politico reports:
The House neared a decisive vote on sweeping climate-change legislation Friday afternoon — with Democratic leaders racing to corral votes on a bill that Republicans said they hadn’t even seen yet...

Republican accused the Democrats of ramming the bill through the House. Rep. Joe Barton (R-Tex.) asked repeatedly if there was even a copy of the current version of the bill anywhere in the House chamber. Democratic Rep. Ellen Tauscher, in the speaker’s chair, repeatedly dodged the question.

Rep. Ed Markey (D-Mass.), one of the bill’s sponsors, finally rose to say that a single copy of the current version of the bill was available at the speaker’s desk – and on the Internet, which members would have to leave the floor to access. (Politico)

Here's my beef. Why does Nancy Pelosi keep insisting on ramming through bills this year which obviously have deep and lasting impact on the US, especially when no one, absolutely no one, incredibly no one, let me repeat no one, has any idea what these bills will do.

No one yet has any idea of the far-reaching problems and effects of this year's stimulus bill. Nearly all current analyses are not favorable.

No one knows has any idea what the effects will be of such sweeping changes to US energy policy implanted in this current bill. No one can even follow the pork, since no one's seen the final version of the bill in time to vote for it.

No one knows what's really in the bill. I doubt a single member of the House has a clue what's included. I know they don't have a clue of the bill's ramifications should it pass into law.

What can we conclude from this style of government - this pass first and ask questions later approach?

We can conclude that House Democrats are more concerned with political correctness than with correct politics. We can conclude that Nancy Pelosi and House Democrats are less concerned with the environment than with hiding the contents of their legislation. We can conclude that lobbies are a far, far worse problem than anyone suspects. We can conclude that the President and Congress have more concern for their pet project than for the American people. We can conclude that rising energy costs (and be certain they will significantly rise) are not important to government. (Energy costs will effect everyone, the poor as well as the rich, despite the "protections" in the current bill.) We can conclude that those who hold power for the moment have absolutely no concern for the wishes and will of the American people.

Can we afford to gamble our future on such a pass first, ask questions later government? Can you afford it?
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